Sorrow (Dementia)

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There are so many fellow bloggers out there who are caregivers for loved ones with dementia.  My heart goes out to all of you, I have been there.  These cows are in the field next to my house.  I think of my brother J.R. when he was living here, how much he loved the cows, the rabbits, the birds, the flowers and everything to do with nature.  All of those feelings he once had for nature are lost in the fog of dementia.

When you deal with a loved one with dementia, there is oppressive pain and unbearable suffering, because your loved one does not know who you are anymore.  That vital, close, intimate relationship has disappeared.  It’s so unbearable it is beyond comprehension.  You are miserable when you dwell on what once was and can never be again.

Dementia is a terrible, painful disease to watch a loved one endure.  Dementia is actually harder on the caregiver than the one with the disease.

Is there an answer to how to deal with the dilemma of Dementia?  What is distressing or painful about this dilemma is you have to make choices you do not want to make.  There is no clear answer on how to deal with our emotions.  What have I done personally? Back in May of this year I wrote a post, “An Early Goodbye to Someone You Love.”  I realized the person my brother once was had disappeared.  I decided at that point to make sure J.R. had a safe place to dwell and receive proper care.  I placed him in a nursing home for many personal reasons.  Do you feel guilty when you place someone in a nursing home?  Yes, you definitely do feel guilt.  For all those out there that judge you for the nursing home decision, I say, “Have you been a caregiver, have you walked in their shoes?”  Not everyone is strong enough to endure to the end of the Dementia Journey. Each caregiver has different abilities on how well they handle the tremendous stress involved with caring for someone with dementia.  Each dementia patient has different problems and actions involved with the disease.  Some people with dementia are extremely hard to handle due to insomnia, anger, wandering, attitude, and the list continues.  So Caregivers, who totally give up their own lives and their own health issues, my heart goes out to you.  God bless all caregivers, and never let others judge you when you have done your very best.

 

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2 thoughts on “Sorrow (Dementia)

  1. I remember your earlier post on saying goodbye. It must be so hard to see something like this cow and calf, that reminds you of your brother as he was. When someone dies, you grieve and eventually come to terms with their loss. When they are still alive but lost in dementia there is no closure.

  2. So true – it is hard to grieve when you can see the person is still here physically. So many caregivers are suffering this grief. Thanks for your comments.

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