Gone From My Sight

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This picture of my brother J.R. was taken a few years ago before he was diagnosed with dementia.  My husband, J.R., and I were on vacation in the Pacific Northwest U.S.  We were camping in J.R.’s motorhome in Hells Canyon on the Snake River which borders Oregon and Idaho.  Two weeks of fun and relaxation.  He called this his, “Indiana Jones” hat.

My brother J.R. is, “Gone From My Sight,” now.  Dementia took him away from me in November 2015.  I will never forget J.R., he was my closest, dearest, sibling

J.R. had a twinkle of mischief in his eyes most of the time.  An over abundance of humor.  He loved to pester me, which I returned in full. He had a hugh smile on his face when he was happy or excited.  He loved people and he greeted everyone with a hearty hello.

J.R. was a wonderful Church of Christ preacher for several decades.  He was a very good locksmith. It upset me when I had to put him in the nursing home after 2 1/2 years as his caregiver. He gave the staff at the nursing home fits, taking their keys and disesembling doorknobs (without tools!?!).

No, J.R. was not perfect, but then who is perfect.  He got depressed or down when tragic things happened in his life.  Several major tragedies happend in his life, that left deep scars of pain and sorrow on his heart and soul.  What others did to him left imprints on my heart and mind.

I was raised with 3 siblings, but I really only had J.R. and he only had me. Funny how some of your siblings drift away and cease to be a part of your life.  I loved my brother J.R. so much and I knew that love was returned. I’ll think of him, get misty eyed from grief and loss.  I will hold his memory in my heart forever.

This new year – 2016 – will be lonely without you J.R.  So, I blow a kiss into the sky, to say a temporary goodbye.  God willing, I hope to see you again one day in Heaven.

God bless all of you who lost loved ones in 2015.

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Life Seems Confusing

Thoughtful man

Could it be that life is confusing? Of course, that must be the answer to being unable to accomplish a simple task. When you try everything to get your internet company to change information on your account, it blows their minds.  Through phone calls, websites, your account site- they fail to recognize you, or your email, or your password. Makes you wonder, “Why have Internet?”  Lets all do it through cards and letters like we did in the old days.  So, I am writing a letter, the old fashion way to solve a minor problem of paying my bill through my new bank for my sattelite provider. Now why didn’t I think of that before I spent 2 days trying to solve this problem and totally stressing myself out?

Gads, not one thing I have done in my life these last 3 1/2 years has been easy. Perhaps someone put a curse on me.  Perhaps someone is sticking pins in a voo doo doll that looks like me.  Hmmmmm

Hope all of you do not get as discouraged dealing with solving problems on line as I do.  If you do, my sympathy goes out to you.  Frustration!

Canada Geese

If I drive a half mile up the road and stand on the hill, I can see the Canada Geese that frequent all the ponds in a small valley and take in some of the most beautiful sunsets.  I counted over 60 geese at one pond in this valley. Christmas Eve I was standing on that hill with my husband, totally enthralled by the geese and the beauty of a sunset that I thought was magnificent.  The geese all took flight, just as the sun was setting.

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Robins Heading South

Every year in Arkansas you can count on the Robins to pass through on their winter flight South.  This lets me know that winter weather will soon hit the New England states.  Not far behind the Robins, you will see the Snow Geese migrating South.  This year everything has been delayed by warmer than normal weather patterns.  Yesterday, around a hundred Robins landed in my yard.  These Robins normally hang around for a few days of rest before heading further South.  Here are some photos of these red breasted beauties.

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Colors of the Sky

“Never forget we are as different as the colors of a sunrise and these differences make us who we are. . . Unique, Amazing, and Beautiful.  Be who God made you to be.”  Karen Kostyla

I watched the following Sunrise on Sunday morning. It changed and evolved into such a beautiful display,which lasted for over an hour.  These photos are exactly as my camera captured them.  What I saw was God’s Glory shining in the clouds.

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II Corinthians 4:6  “For, God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

Life’s Frustrations

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I took this photo back in April of this year.  I put it on here, hoping it would inspire me to let the frustrations of life leave my mind.

You think after someone dies the frustrations, stresses, and problems of trying to handle the life of someone with dementia will cease.  I am still looking for an end to 3 1/2 years of frustation concerning my brother J.R.’s affairs.  Bless his heart, he had such a hard time on this journey through dementia and nothing that happened was ever his fault.

Recently I have spent more of my own money to finish paying the pentaly imposed by DHS at the first nursing home.  I have paid what was due upon J.R.’s death at the second nursing home.  I paid to have my brother cremated (this was his request).  I thought I could close his bank account yesterday and get some of the money I spent back.  I thought at my age I knew quite a bit about legal things, but you learn something every day.  I guess in the back of my mind, I knew his bank account was an asset, that I would have to go through probate.  Guess that fact was so hidden in my clogged, overworked mind, that I could not find that information.  So, I must get a lawyer, go through probate in court.  Then by the time the government gets their share and I pay this lawyer, I will owe more than the mere $2,000 in this bank account.  So, I hope the government enjoys their share, perhaps it will help them pay down the National Debt. lol

I am normally not a  mean person, but by the time I told those two young female tellers at the bank what I thought, I stormed out.  They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time when all the frustration came to a head. My husband was there and he laughed, saying, “Those girls looked as if they thought you would leap over that counter and assault them both.”  I would not have done that, I might have hurt myself.  lol

I feel like I have been, a full time secretary, lawyer, caregiver, psychologist, wife, mother, grandmother, counselor, doctor, just to name a few of the hats I have had to wear for years.  Quite tiring, quite mind boggling, extremely stressful, and has taken a toll on my health.

My heart goes out to those in this world who are overwhelmed by frustrations.  I am actually a strong willed person who tries to deal with what I call a “Hard Life,” on this earth.  So, caregivers I say, “Hang In There.”  I actually hate that phrase, but that is about all you can do, if you wish to survive frustrations and stress.

Watching The Sky

I never get tired of looking up to see what God is going to display in the sky for my enjoyment.  When my vertigo or fibromyalgia hit and cause me to become housebound, I snap photos of the sky, through the windows from inside the house.  Here are some beautiful pictures, God painted for me the last few days, to cheer me up.

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